10 Ways to Talk So Children Will Listen
Communication entails talking and listening. How you talk to your child helps them learn how they’ll talk to others. Below are some tips to help teach them so that they listen:
- Connect and address the child before You Direct
Make sure you’re on the same eye level with the child and avoid intense eye contact showing controlling rather than connecting. Start by calling their name before giving directions: “James, I need your eyes.” Is one way to do it. - Stay Brief and simple
Don’t talk too much, use short sentences that your child will understand easily to avoid the child sidetracking or getting confused. - Ask the child to repeat your request
This should not be so complicated or too long for the child to recall. - Give choices and offers that the child can’t refuse
Communicate to the child offering a choice that would be difficult to resist. It gives the child no alternative but giving up the power position. For instance, “Dress up so that we can go to the movie or the park.” - Be Positive
Instead of “no running,” try: “Inside we walk, outside you may run.” This gives a more positive and communicative approach. - Begin your Directives with “I want.” “When…Then.”
“Let Brian have a turn,” say, “I want you to let Brian have a turn now.” “I want,” gives a reason to comply rather than an order. “When you finish your dinner, then you can play video game”. “When” implies obedience than “I” which implies choice. - Legs First, Mouth Second
Don’t shout out orders, but instead walk to the child and convey the request that shows the seriousness of it. - Speak developmentally, socially, psychologically correctly
The more the child grows, the more, the longer and complicated your directive should be. You should consider their development in understanding. Teach your child etiquette by using words like “please”. Speak to the child the way you expect them to talk to you. Avoid threats and judgmental openers when addressing the child. They most often put the child on the defensive. Resist from asking a question where a negative answer is not an option. Such as, “Will you please pick the toys from the floor” instead say “Pick up the toys from the floor, please”. - Talk the Child Down, settle the listener and close the discussion
Don’t be on the same level of argument with your child. The more your child yells, the softer you’re required to be until an emotional equilibrium is reached. At this stage, it is easier to give directives to the child. Always say so when you feel a discussion is closed “I won’t change my mind, sorry”. Be the adult with the “I mean it” tone. - Replay Your Message and mostly use rhyme rule
Repeat you directives for the child to internalize. Spice up the directive with a rhyme to make it easy and fast for the child to understand. The more you repeat, the more it sinks in them. The older the child gets, the less you should repeat your directives.